The Summer We Loved Page 11
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Then you did what she wanted. You kept the two of you safe. You should be proud of yourself, taking on that huge responsibility at such a young age.” She squeezed his hand and coaxed his gaze to look at her. “You were a good brother, Pete.”
Pete let his eyes fall away again. “But a rubbish son.”
Jenny lifted his chin with her fingers. “You were a good son too. It might not have felt like it at the time, but you couldn’t have changed anything. You were only young yourself.”
He looked into her hazel-tinged grey eyes and wished he had more to offer her. She was his remedy, his balm against the scars of life. And he wished he had it in him to be worthy of her, that she could learn to love him and be loved in return.
Not long after that, they returned to work and studied hard until well after ten, when Jenny admitted she’d better go home. He drove her back to her house as he was unhappy with her walking alone at that time of night.
Outside her house he pulled up and she turned to him. “Thank you for this evening,” she said and for the life of him, Pete couldn’t think why.
“No, thank you,” he told her and a minute lingered in the air between them when he didn’t know what to do. The possibility of something more happening between them sparked in his mind. It haunted him, dangling something he was afraid to want just out of reach. But she was taken, and it was too big a risk. Then she slipped off her seat belt and got out of the car, and the moment had passed.
“Get some proper food in before next time,” she told him. “Man cannot live on pizza alone.”
He smiled and called back to her, “Oh, yes he can,” and switching the engine back on, he pulled away.
Jenny couldn’t explain why, but for the next few days, life seemed to tick along just a little lighter. Nothing felt quite as much trouble, and by the weekend, when she had some free time, she was eager to get back over to Pete’s to see how he was getting on. Once again she searched about for recipes and then baked her heart into everything she made.
She turned up on Saturday afternoon. The day had been nice and she had taken her time walking the route to his building, enjoying the cool breeze and the smell of freshly cut grass. The sun’s dazzling rays beat down on her face until she arrived at Pete’s flat to find he wasn’t home.
She cursed herself and, feeling incredibly foolish, walked the three miles back home. She still hadn’t plucked up the courage to ask him for his number. If she had, she could have called and made sure he was in. But where was he? Was he out somewhere drinking? Was he dead in a ditch? Anything could have happened to him.
By the time she got home, Jenny didn’t feel like going for a run. She packed the goodies into an old tin and hid them in her room, putting on some music. Patsy or Nina? Either would be suitable. Patsy for when she needed a little consoling, but Nina if she was really brooding. Nina, she thought. She lay on her bed and felt the time hang heavily upon her. Was she being a fool? He had warned her not to get too attached to him. Had she got closer than she’d planned to? Who was she kidding? She knew full well when she set out on this journey that that had happened a long time ago. She screwed her eyes up tight, trying for a second to block the feelings out and then pulled out her diary.
I went to him today and he wasn’t there. I miss him. I miss the way we are when we’re together, the way we’re starting to connect. He trusts me; he said so. We can sit on the settee together and be relaxed. We can laugh. We can cry. We can… love. I’m not saying I’m in love with him. I don’t trust him as yet. I’m afraid that he could use me to get over all of this and then return to his women and frivolous ways. This is no fairy tale. This is life. But I miss him all the same.
She heard the letterbox clack and the post slap down on the mat, and walked back downstairs to retrieve it. There was only one for her, so she left the rest on the side by the front door and took hers back up to her room.
It was a letter from her auntie, which was odd, because she normally rang, so she opened it with some care and a good deal of suspicion.
Chapter 9
Dear Jenny,
I know you will need time to think about this, so I have put my thoughts down in a letter. This way you can read them again and again, as often as you need, to make up your mind.
I have heard from your mother, and Time For Life magazine is doing an article on your father in a couple of weeks and they are asking to do a photo shoot at the house. Understandably they would really like you to be there. Now I know your first thoughts will be to tell them to go to hell, but just think about it, sweetheart, just think about it, for me. They are your family and they love you and they miss you every day. Haven’t you made them suffer long enough?
You know I love you and you will ALWAYS have a home with me, but they’re your flesh and blood, Jen. And that’s important. Your uncle’s father died before he ever had the chance to make it right between the two of them and I know that haunted him till the end of his days. Don’t live in the past, my girl, look to the future. Give them a chance and just try.
The photo shoot is midday on Wed 21st August, at their house. I hope you decide to go. If you want to talk to me, please give me a ring. I always love to hear from you. I’m here if you need me.
I love you.
Auntie May
Jenny put the letter down. Her aunt had been right; her first response had been to block them out. And that was exactly what she intended to do. Images of home flitted through her brain. Too painful.
She spent the rest of the afternoon and evening vegging out in front of the TV. She’d refused to go out with Chloe, giving the excuse of a headache, and sat and stared at the screen, completely failing to cheer up.
She was brooding; she knew she was. She was wallowing in self-pity and she didn’t care. After all her effort, Pete hadn’t even been home and then with the letter stirring old memories…
Flicking through the channels, she resolved that first thing in the morning she was going to walk round to Pete’s, get his phone number and take him his cakes, and then she would think about booking a holiday. That would cheer her up.
Jenny didn’t sleep well that night. She tossed and turned, but finally the morning came and she was up with the lark and raring to go.
She arrived outside Pete’s door and looked at her watch. Just gone half-nine. He didn’t strike her as the type of guy to be at church on a Sunday morning. She knocked. After knocking a second time, she was just about to leave when the door cracked open and a bleary face peered out.
“Jen? What’s the matter? Are you all right?”
God, she had woken him up! Keep it light, she thought, don’t scare him off with the third degree. “Provisions.” She smiled and held up the bag. Way to look casual, Jen.
Pete looked at his watch. “It’s nine-thirty on a Sunday morning!”
“I made muffins.” Her voice was weaker. She was too early. She had dragged the poor guy out of bed. What on earth was she meant to do now? She passed them across, suddenly embarrassed at her intrusion. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit of an early bird, I guess. I’ll leave them with you. I’ll just go and…” She started to back away down the stairs.
“No, Jen. Stay. Please. I just wasn’t expecting a visitor so early. I-”
“I didn’t have your number.”
His eyes brightened. “Come inside. The least I can do is offer you a cup of tea. I bet you walked all the way over here again, didn’t you?”
“I like walking.” He had opened the door wider now and he was wearing only his pyjama bottoms. His toned upper body was… distracting. She had to try and ignore it. Look at his eyes, she thought.
Pete ushered her inside and she perched against the breakfast bar, a safe distance away from him while he made some tea.
“How are things, then?” he asked.
“Oh, hunky dory.” Eyes up, girl, or you’re never going to get through this.
“Only you seem a bit… odd.”
Pete smiled. “I was doing as I was told,” he said. “Getting some food in.”
“Oh.” So much for her overactive imagination. Of course he was. He had to eat, didn’t he? “So how’s it going?”
“You mean the studying? Okay, actually. I may need your help again in a day or so, when I’ve finished with ENT, but… good, yeah. You seem to be good for me, Jenny Wren.”
“My surname isn’t actually Wren. You do know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I know,” he said.
She nodded. There was a silence and then, out of nowhere, it all came tumbling out. “My parents have asked me to go home for the day for a photo shoot.”
Pete looked surprised. So was she. Why was she telling him this?
“A photo shoot? Do you think you may have underplayed their status just a little when you told me about your parents the other day?”
Jenny rolled her eyes.
“So… Are you going to go?”
“God, no!”
“So what’s the problem, then?”
“I don’t know. It just… I guess it brought it all up again. That’s all.”
“It sounds like it still upsets you.”
Jenny couldn’t begin to explain it.
“How many years has it been, Jen?”
Jenny didn’t have to think. “Fourteen.”
“Fourteen years? You haven’t spoken to your family in fourteen years? No wonder it still upsets you. I can’t imagine not seeing Jim for six months, let alone 14 years. Don’t you want to make it right between you?”
No. No, no, no, she thought. That wasn’t entirely true. Part of her wanted to. She wanted to see her sister. But it was just them and… “I’m afraid if I go, it’ll stir it all up again and… Maybe I should just let sleeping dogs lie?”
Pete looked at her for a minute. “Seems to me like it’s already stirred up. Look at you. I’ve never seen you in such a state. What happened to my bossy, overbearing nurse?”
Jenny gave him a look, but then smiled sadly.
“And you really haven’t seen them, or spoken to them since you were 17?” he asked.
She shook her head. When she heard it out loud, it sounded ridiculous.
“And they’ve not sent you any birthday cards or presents?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“Didn’t they pay your way through nursing training?”
“No, I think my aunt did that.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know. I assumed it was her. She wrote the cheques.”
He sat still, looking at her for a minute. “If it was me sitting here telling you this, what would you be saying to me?”
Jenny squirmed. She knew full well what she’d be saying, but this was different. “But it’s not the same thing. I’m not asking you to face your dad… although…”
Pete looked horrified. “Don’t even go there.”
She shrugged. “It was too hard, living there. I’m not sure I can ever return.” It was just different.
He stroked her cheek in a show of affection that stirred the corners of her ailing heart. “Think about it, Jen. In the words of a very wise person. You’ve got to let it go. Face up to your past or you’ll never be free to move on.”
She took a deep breath and let it out. “And have you… let it go?” She was hopeful that he had. He seemed to be much better than last week. But his eyes clouded over.
“I’m trying,” he said and he was serious, and she felt it.
They were silent for a moment after that, Jenny almost felt proud of his fight to reclaim his life.
“How did you find out about the shoot?” he asked at last.
“Auntie May wrote to me about it.”
“And what did she have to say on the matter?”
“She thinks I should go.”
He squeezed her hand and then got up and fetched his mobile. “Tap your number into that,” he told her and she typed in her number and passed it back. Pete sent her a text. “Now you’ve got my number too, so if you do decide to go, you’ll always have a friendly voice at the end of the phone if you need one.”
Jenny checked her phone and put it away in her pocket. “Thank you,” she said.
“Now let’s go and investigate those cakes you’ve brought me. Anyone would think you’re trying to fatten me up.”
Oh no. Why did he have to go and say a thing like that? Now she was forced to look at his naked body and appraise it. She pasted on a smile. Look at the eyes, Jen, not his abdomen. Look at his eyes. “I’d better go. You’re not going to get any work done while I’m here.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” he said in a velvety, low voice that melted her insides and Jenny glanced away, suddenly unsure of his meaning.
After Jenny had gone, Pete hit the shower and turned it to cool. He had to get the thoughts about her out of his mind. Jen obviously had just as much as him to deal with. Maybe that was why they had found themselves together. But she had a boyfriend and good luck to her. He was not a sensible option for a girl like her, anyway. He was damaged goods and that was all he would ever be. Work he could get a handle on. Immersing himself in that had been a tonic, but apart from when he was with her, he was still the turbulent soul he had always been and that was dangerous.
He pulled on some clothes and looked at the pile of cakes she had brought him. It was time to pay a visit to the local gym. See if it remembered him.
Pete arranged to meet his mate, Neil, a night porter at St Steven’s, inside the weights room, where they did half an hour of training before going for a swim.
“So are you going to come back to the ring?” Neil asked him when they were standing in line to do some diving. “We’ve missed you.”
“Perhaps.”
“I told Rich you were back in the neighbourhood. He’s been expecting you.”
“Okay, I’ll try and find time to get myself down there. I’ve got a lot on at the minute, though; exams coming up, but it might do me some good.”
He showered in the changing room and walked out to the main door, where Neil was popping a packet of crisps out of a vending machine. “Tell Rich I’ll give him a call,” he said. “Same time next week? Actually, no, I can’t, I’m on call next weekend. I’ll have to give you a ring. Might have to be one evening this week.”
“Just let me know,” Neil said.
Pete drove back to his flat and skipped up the steps. He felt invigorated, ready to face the day. It was time to get down to some serious work. He didn’t want to look like an idiot, not knowing his stuff the next time Jenny came round to play. Hmm, ‘play’ he thought. Jenny was not the kind of girl for ‘playing’ with. She was good, kind and worth the wait to know. She was not for him, though, not unless he was totally stupid, because knowing him, he would only mess the whole ‘friends’ thing up and then he would be nothing to her and he wasn’t sure he could take that.
As he set out his books to start reading, Pete thought about her and her family. There had to be something more to it, surely? Something she wasn’t telling him? Whatever it was, he hoped she took her own advice and started to face her demons. She was an angel when she relaxed. Yes, Jenny was a keeper, but sadly not for him.
Monday morning, Jenny was on a late, that meant a nice long lie-in and a big brunch before getting ready to go to work. She wouldn’t be able to spend any time with Pete that day, but she might see him. Maybe they would bump into each other in the corridor. They might have time for a quick chat. A smile, even, would be okay.
Jenny was ruminating about the thought of seeing her parents. She had thought a great deal about her si
ster since mentioning her to Pete. Lizzy had been only nine when she’d left, she would be 23 by now. What had become of her? She had been an irritating little sister back then, but she could be a friend now. The thought of rediscovering her sister began to take root in her heart and was waging war with her anger at her parents. It was because of them that she hadn’t seen her sister for so long. Could she put up with the one in order to accomplish the other? Could she go back there? This was something she was going to have to think about.
For now, though, she had to push it to the back of her mind; she had work to do. Maybe something magical would happen to make the decision for her.
Pete had only three weeks left to get himself ready to pass the exam, so she would have to be on to him, to make sure he pushed himself, continually watching for mood swings and any weakening. It occurred to her to think about what was going to happen when it was all over. He would no longer need her. Would he still value their friendship? And, more importantly, where would he go?
Her day was busy and the work taxing at times. She had a 101 things to be doing and only one pair of hands to do them with. A great influx of emergencies overnight was hampering the bed situation for the routines that day. Then ITU called and said they had a nurse go off sick and could they possibly send one of their nurses down to collect the patient to be transferred up? Jenny drew the short straw and was swiftly assigned the task.
She buzzed to be let on to ITU and the nurse in charge of the case met her. It was a man who’d had an aortic aneurysm operated on and had needed a few days of their support, but he was fit to go to a normal surgical ward now and she was brought rapidly up to date on his treatment. A porter arrived to assist with the transfer and they slowly made their way along the corridor, chatting to the patient as they went.
Waiting for the lift to arrive, another trolley pulled up with a little girl looking pale and ill. She was clutching a pink fluffy unicorn to her chest and Jenny realised, just from looking at her, that she wasn’t going to get better any time soon. She felt compelled to try and make the girl happy, at least a smile to brighten her day. “He’s beautiful! What’s his name?” she asked, pointing to the toy.